Loneliness

I had cold the other day and one of my new friend was kind enough to give me some medicines since I had none. It was a small gesture to others but to me it meant a lot.

Honestly,  it made me think.

I have been in Adelaide for few months now. Initially when I came here I met a lot of people. It was orientation week. I made friends. I acquainted myself with some residents living in the student hall. It was fine. I wasn’t particularly lonely.

It was fine till I hit the one and a half month of staying mark. This is the phase where you get somewhat settled into your new place and get used to your daily routine. My main focus was studies and still is. I need to maintain good grades not just because of my scholarship but also because of my pride. Yet somewhat back in my mind, the idea of finding someone at university was lurking. I swear I don’t remember who was the one who told me we meet our soulmates at university.

I went out. I went to parties. I went to events. I met people but not the special one. Whenever I felt like I met someone who makes me comfortable. They would vanish away. My anxiety wasn’t having any of this.

“Did I say something offensive?”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“Why aren’t people attracted to me?”

“Am I that ugly?”

I love consolidating myself. Yet somehow the consolidations fell through. I began to feel “LONELY”.

The fact that I had already started to see couples around me worsen my feelings. It made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of anyone. At this point in my life I was convinced I would be happy even if I only had a friend.

Now at this point in my life, I have started to accept (still haven’t accepted fully) the fact that I am lucky to have four precious friends in Adelaide who are there for me.

A part of me wants to find someone who would resonate with me and another part of me has just accepted this fate. It almost seems like a better life is awaiting me and hence everything around me has paused. So I am trying to remain positive in this situation.