What do I want?

What do I want?

Have you ever asked yourself what do you want in life? I often ask myself that question. I believe that everyone has their own inner desire. Some people want money, some people want happiness, some people want peace,some people want love and others just want to live. I believe that I want the ability to be who I want be. The only resource that can give you the ability to be who you want to be is money. Money is so powerful. It is so powerful that we have no idea.

Since I have grown-up in luxury. Growing up I barely had any idea about the real world. My parents have always given me the best they could. I think that’s the reason why I am biased. That is the reason I see myself as a rich person in future. Someone who is rich not only in knowledge but also in real life. People think that being rich won’t make them happy. I think quite the opposite. Of course money can’t make us happy but it can give us access to the resources needed to be happy. Of course with a lot of money comes a lot of responsibilities. However, it’s not the responsibilities that makes rich people feel miserable. I have read several articles about richest of the rich and most of them suffer from innate loneliness. This feeling of dejection and isolation comes from the people around them. The ones that change seeing someone succeed more than them.

When one is rich and powerful, it doesn’t give them the right to underperform. It should instead inspire them to do their best. Often this is also the reason for feeling dejected. A college student who becomes a millionaire shouldn’t drop out or give up their studies. I don’t understand the youth these days. You should aim to study and good grades regardless of being rich or not. It is a right you have and why should you deprive yourself of that right?

Getting admission in a popular university is not the end of your dreams. Getting a good degree out of it is. People often think the end goal of a degree is getting a job. Surely it is one of the several reasons why people enrol in undergraduate and graduate degrees. However, the primary goal should be attaining knowledge and experience.

Sometimes I study certain topics at university which I could have studied by myself in my home. However, university gives me a chance to collaborate and talk to professionals. It also gives me a chance to showcase my talents and learn from those who have experience in it.

Whether your aim is to be rich in life or knowledge, you shouldn’t lose your inner self while getting there.

Loneliness

I had cold the other day and one of my new friend was kind enough to give me some medicines since I had none. It was a small gesture to others but to me it meant a lot.

Honestly,  it made me think.

I have been in Adelaide for few months now. Initially when I came here I met a lot of people. It was orientation week. I made friends. I acquainted myself with some residents living in the student hall. It was fine. I wasn’t particularly lonely.

It was fine till I hit the one and a half month of staying mark. This is the phase where you get somewhat settled into your new place and get used to your daily routine. My main focus was studies and still is. I need to maintain good grades not just because of my scholarship but also because of my pride. Yet somewhat back in my mind, the idea of finding someone at university was lurking. I swear I don’t remember who was the one who told me we meet our soulmates at university.

I went out. I went to parties. I went to events. I met people but not the special one. Whenever I felt like I met someone who makes me comfortable. They would vanish away. My anxiety wasn’t having any of this.

“Did I say something offensive?”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“Why aren’t people attracted to me?”

“Am I that ugly?”

I love consolidating myself. Yet somehow the consolidations fell through. I began to feel “LONELY”.

The fact that I had already started to see couples around me worsen my feelings. It made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of anyone. At this point in my life I was convinced I would be happy even if I only had a friend.

Now at this point in my life, I have started to accept (still haven’t accepted fully) the fact that I am lucky to have four precious friends in Adelaide who are there for me.

A part of me wants to find someone who would resonate with me and another part of me has just accepted this fate. It almost seems like a better life is awaiting me and hence everything around me has paused. So I am trying to remain positive in this situation.