To You – 24th November 2018

I hope you love me for who I am now and who I will be in the future. Change is inevitable. I will grow up and shape into the caricature of a woman slowly. If you still love me then I will never look back at those small arguments and disagreements.

When you are in pain and you feel like the whole world is crashing. Let me protect you. Let me embrace you so we both can get hurt in the process and the pain is shared. I will never understand your struggles or you in general but I want to emphasise and be with you. When you are 90 and you look back at our past, happiness should flood you.

In the process of loving you, I have grown up and in the process of growing up I have started loving you more.

When me meet it will be summer and the sun will be the witness to our love.

Breathe

Learn how to breathe slowly,

Observe your breath and its sensation,

The wind that goes out, the warmth and the feeling

of inhaling the surrounding,

Learn how to breathe fast,

When you’re climbing up rocks,

The rhythm of your breath indicates,

Your heart beat rate.

The adrenaline rush.

Learn how to breathe in positivity,

The world is in shambles but,

You could be doing better than that,

Remember we breathe in oxygen but give out carbon dioxide,

One man’s waste is another man’s treasure.

So learn how to breathe.

-Sayoni Roy

1st November,2018

Flip

I used to enjoy flipping pages of a book when I was 15 or 16. I remember being addicted to buying books. The genre didn’t matter. Neither did the cover of the book. It was the first few pages that did.

I am a very judgemental person. Everyday I look at people around me and wonder what they must be thinking about me. Can they notice my imperfections? My voice- is that annoying? My stomach grumbles were obvious, weren’t they? They are touching each other so much in the public, get a room.

Yeah, I admit. I judge people. The reason being that it is out of my control. It’s difficult for me to look at something or someone and not think about it/her/him.

This blog will end here. Don’t judge me or I will judge you 😊

What do I want?

What do I want?

Have you ever asked yourself what do you want in life? I often ask myself that question. I believe that everyone has their own inner desire. Some people want money, some people want happiness, some people want peace,some people want love and others just want to live. I believe that I want the ability to be who I want be. The only resource that can give you the ability to be who you want to be is money. Money is so powerful. It is so powerful that we have no idea.

Since I have grown-up in luxury. Growing up I barely had any idea about the real world. My parents have always given me the best they could. I think that’s the reason why I am biased. That is the reason I see myself as a rich person in future. Someone who is rich not only in knowledge but also in real life. People think that being rich won’t make them happy. I think quite the opposite. Of course money can’t make us happy but it can give us access to the resources needed to be happy. Of course with a lot of money comes a lot of responsibilities. However, it’s not the responsibilities that makes rich people feel miserable. I have read several articles about richest of the rich and most of them suffer from innate loneliness. This feeling of dejection and isolation comes from the people around them. The ones that change seeing someone succeed more than them.

When one is rich and powerful, it doesn’t give them the right to underperform. It should instead inspire them to do their best. Often this is also the reason for feeling dejected. A college student who becomes a millionaire shouldn’t drop out or give up their studies. I don’t understand the youth these days. You should aim to study and good grades regardless of being rich or not. It is a right you have and why should you deprive yourself of that right?

Getting admission in a popular university is not the end of your dreams. Getting a good degree out of it is. People often think the end goal of a degree is getting a job. Surely it is one of the several reasons why people enrol in undergraduate and graduate degrees. However, the primary goal should be attaining knowledge and experience.

Sometimes I study certain topics at university which I could have studied by myself in my home. However, university gives me a chance to collaborate and talk to professionals. It also gives me a chance to showcase my talents and learn from those who have experience in it.

Whether your aim is to be rich in life or knowledge, you shouldn’t lose your inner self while getting there.

Black and White

Black and White

I was told life our actions are black and white.

Either it is wrong or right.

And for a girl the only right thing was,

To serve the ones above and no curse words.

“Serve you brothers some water and take their shoes,

Keep them in the side and dont mind the abuse.”

“Bring your father to the meeting not your mother,

They aren’t usually strict so don’t bother.”

“Your sister is 25 and needs to find a man,

Women get wings in their back

and not just menstrual pads.”

You see the definition of feminism changes from places to places,

I have seen more women against women then men being sexist.

I have experienced more women make me feel uncomfortable and sick inside,

Black and whites cannot be the same

But maybe they could love themselves first.

-Sayoni Roy(5th August 2018)

My Heart Hurts

It doesn’t take someone even a minute to be kind yet all these people around me make me feel so bad.

I feel like I am in this loophole and all of this is a mistake. This entire thing. I don’t even know right now what I am typing.

I think I have wanted for friendship for too long and now I am just getting sick and tired of my heart hurting thinking about every time someone whom I considered my friend, hurt me.

I want to leave. Leave this mess. Leave everything I have done so far and run away and yet I am stuck in this place. I have to wake up every morning only to be upset that I am breathing.

Haven’t Slept

I haven’t slept since 12 midnight and I have a lot of questions on my mind.

Today I have a lot of classes starting from 9 am to 6pm with only 2 hours of break.

It isn’t a bad thing. I enjoy going to lectures, tutorials, workshops and practicals. I enjoy learning. Somehow it makes me feel really energised. I guess I am driven by the fact that I have to do well in my exams. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. The only issue is that it has completely messed up my sleep cycle.

Yesterday, I woke up at 4 am and started working on an assignment. Today, I couldn’t do the same. Even though I was awake. I felt internally sick while trying to switch on my laptop and do the work.

Yesterday I also did something unusual.

I went to the library to study. Yes I finally did it. I mostly hate studying alone in the library because I feel anxious for some reason. However I gathered my courage and sat down to do my assignments.

The changes are slow but they are happening and it makes me happy to see where I have reached.